Beauty

So, my sincere apologies for ignoring all things blog-y recently.  In case you don't live in the Northeast, we had a big snow storm and I lost power for about five days.  Ugh. It was not a pretty picture with so many little ones.  Luckily, Dos allowed babies (and I) to invade his land of lights and tvs for a few days.  (Big thanks there!).  Even when our power came back, Prima and Sec were home another two days from school (while other neighborhoods were still being restored).  When I finally received the email saying that school was going to be reopened on Friday, I swear a choir of angels sang triumphantly behind me.


The play is this upcoming weekend, so my schedule is super hectic (which is both lovely and tiring).  Saturday was spent moving the set to the theater, building, and painting more scenery.  Sunday, first night of tech week.  If you've never done theater before, it's the first night of figuring out the who, how, when, and where of scene changes, lighting cues, etc etc etc.  A lot of hurry up!...and wait.  It went very well though.  Last night we ran Act One; tonight will be Act Two.  In one of the Act One scenes, there is a party and I am a baroness attending the party.  I also help with a change in the set.  So, there I was last night, in full baroness ensemble (complete with heels and tiara), rolling the massive set downstage into place.  Love this stuff!  Open night is getting so close!  I am just bursting with happiness and excitement!  (Just look at all of those exclamation points, if you don't believe me).


I'm still thinking about the fact that I'm supposed to have videos to upload before my birthday (just 11 days away).  With that in mind, I was watching our old videos. My my my, I was a whole lot heavier.  Ack.  I both hate and like those kinds of reminders.  My initial response is to hide from them (from what I looked like), run far far away and pretend they don't exist.  So, instead, I decided to write about it today.  So, all of you can go look at them if you want.  No use in pretending I wasn't that big.  Better to say, that is how I looked then.  This is how I look now.  Look how far I've come.  I'm sure when I get this new round of videos up, I'll someday be looking back on them saying the same all over again.  That is my hope anyway.  





"Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes.  It is not something physical." --Sophia Loren


I did not feel beautiful then, and I think you can tell.  I thought feeling beautiful was something that had to wait until my stomach was flat, my arms had no jiggle and the tag on my pants read some single digit number or other.  But, holy cow!  That isn't what it means at all.  It's being comfortable with the skin you're in -- jiggles, wiggles, creases and all.  Real beauty, not just the good looks that a chosen few are granted, comes from inside, at any size.  It's loving yourself and loving those around you.  An open, loving heart is more beautiful than any slim waistline.  Real beauty is a confidence that says, Here I am, a work-in-progress and I love the work as much as the progress, every step of the way.  

Me, right now as I'm typing

I can't say that I always feel great now, but for the most part, I have regained that confidence.  That's what matters.  The weight will take care of itself, if I just give it enough time (and effort!).  But it's the confidence that had been lacking for so long.  Well, I feel just lovely.  I. Am. Beautiful.  There, I said it. 


all love, 


nik*