Weaving a Life.

It's been a while, friends.

When I first began this blog, I was searching for a way to reinvent myself.  I wanted to "Start Over." 

I suppose that all of us feel that way from time to time.  What I failed to realize then, and realize more fully now, is that you can't just start over from scratch.  What came before is tied to you, woven into the fabric of who you are now, and who you will become.  Instead of starting over, we have to think about keeping on. 

Maybe that should have been the name of this blog.  MamaNiki:Keepin' on Keepin' on. 

Yeah, I like it.

So, updates, updates. 

Dos and I reconciled.  There's a lot packed into those four little words.  They say very little, and yet, they say everything that is important. And that, sweethearts, is how I will leave it.   

Now that the kiddos are out of school, we're looking for a new home together.  It is exciting and frightening and wonderful all at the same time.  Send some healthy doeses of positivity our way, would you? Finding a place for all of these people to live is not as easy as you might think!

Also, we've formed a working band, which you can check it out here on fb:
https://www.facebook.com/BohemiaGoGo

Bohemia Go-Go developed out of Ian's amazing youtube project , Dispatches from the Woodshed. (**Really, if I'm giving you all of these websites, you're going to see Dos's real name all over the place, so might as well dispose of the alias at this point!)
Anyway, the project is an entire year's worth of videos, a different song each day, covers and originals.  As of today, we're on Day #272 of 365.  Check it out here:
www.dispatchesfromthewoodshed.com

or on fb here:
www.facebook.com/dispatchesfromthewoodshed

Also on my overflowing plate, I'm about to start an entirely new career!  Up to now, I've primarily been a stay-at-home mom.  And a dabbler at jobs outside the house.  Gas station attendant, overnight hotel front desk associate at Foxwoods, Regulatory Affairs/Quality Assurance associate for an environmental testing agency, a paraprofessional working with EH high school students, a cashier at a women's clothing boutique...I've done a lot of all over the place things.  On the plus side, I've got versitility, yo.  On the negative, none of them have been the right fit. 

So, newest career move?  A cook!  I've been cooking since I was 14 years old.  I started by prepping dinner for my parents, who both worked until 5 or later on weekdays.  My parents brought us up to believe that family dinner was very important.  We ate dinner together every night.  Looking back, it's one of my favorite family traditions, even if at the time I thought it cramped my style.  In order to facilitate us eating at a reasonable hour though, I had to get things started.  Eventually, I moved up from prepping to actually preparing the meals. 

It worked out pretty well.  Except for that one time I gave my dad food poisoning from undercooked chicken.  It was over 17 years ago, but I still hear about it! 

Luckily, that is the single major fallout of my culinary journey. 

And I've been cooking ever since.  The same month I turned 20, I prepared my first all-out Thanksgiving, all on my own.  (Okay, maybe I made a phone call or two home to my Nana, just to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything).  I cooked a huge turkey and all the sides, which two of us ate sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor with platters and bowls swarming around us. 

Since then, I've cooked many more turkeys, and other things, too. Like I said, I've got versatility.  Yo.  

I've cooked for my family for years, and for a dozen or more people at a time. But, what I have never done, is cook in a restaurant.  I am so excited to move to this next phase in my culinary life.  I love cooking.  I love feeding other people my food.  I love the crew that I'm going to be working with. 

If you're in the area, we're opening soon!  The Fork & Spoon Diner, 119A Hanover St, Manchester, NH.

Like us here:   https://www.facebook.com/pages/fork-spoon-diner#!/pages/Fork-Spoon-Diner/427011570718017?fref=ts



I am just bursting with happiness and wonder over the potential in my life right now.  There have been set backs, I have felt down here and there, but what amazes me is the capacity within myself to bounce back.  The potential in all of us to expand and develop and rise to challenging occasions. 

When I look back over the past few years of my life, at this woven tapestry that is me, I am struck by the unexpected beauty of it.  Even those moments that I thought were hardest, the most trying -- in looking back, I realize that those are the most intricately woven sections.  The twists and turns in the pattern create strength and boldness in the overall design.  If there are shadowed sections, how much brighter they make the positive space.  The imperfections lend character, originality, and strength to the embroidery.  It is not machine-woven.  It's 100% handmade.  It is uneven in places, there may be a thread or two waiting to be woven back into the whole.  But overall, it's looking beautiful.  And looking forward from here, all I can see is boundless possibilities for the future sections. 

So, this is me.  Keepin' on keepin' on.  Living life and reminding myself each day of how much I have.  Of how much beauty exists in the world, and what an enormous portion I get to experience in my life each day.

all love,

nik*

Beauty

So, my sincere apologies for ignoring all things blog-y recently.  In case you don't live in the Northeast, we had a big snow storm and I lost power for about five days.  Ugh. It was not a pretty picture with so many little ones.  Luckily, Dos allowed babies (and I) to invade his land of lights and tvs for a few days.  (Big thanks there!).  Even when our power came back, Prima and Sec were home another two days from school (while other neighborhoods were still being restored).  When I finally received the email saying that school was going to be reopened on Friday, I swear a choir of angels sang triumphantly behind me.


The play is this upcoming weekend, so my schedule is super hectic (which is both lovely and tiring).  Saturday was spent moving the set to the theater, building, and painting more scenery.  Sunday, first night of tech week.  If you've never done theater before, it's the first night of figuring out the who, how, when, and where of scene changes, lighting cues, etc etc etc.  A lot of hurry up!...and wait.  It went very well though.  Last night we ran Act One; tonight will be Act Two.  In one of the Act One scenes, there is a party and I am a baroness attending the party.  I also help with a change in the set.  So, there I was last night, in full baroness ensemble (complete with heels and tiara), rolling the massive set downstage into place.  Love this stuff!  Open night is getting so close!  I am just bursting with happiness and excitement!  (Just look at all of those exclamation points, if you don't believe me).


I'm still thinking about the fact that I'm supposed to have videos to upload before my birthday (just 11 days away).  With that in mind, I was watching our old videos. My my my, I was a whole lot heavier.  Ack.  I both hate and like those kinds of reminders.  My initial response is to hide from them (from what I looked like), run far far away and pretend they don't exist.  So, instead, I decided to write about it today.  So, all of you can go look at them if you want.  No use in pretending I wasn't that big.  Better to say, that is how I looked then.  This is how I look now.  Look how far I've come.  I'm sure when I get this new round of videos up, I'll someday be looking back on them saying the same all over again.  That is my hope anyway.  





"Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes.  It is not something physical." --Sophia Loren


I did not feel beautiful then, and I think you can tell.  I thought feeling beautiful was something that had to wait until my stomach was flat, my arms had no jiggle and the tag on my pants read some single digit number or other.  But, holy cow!  That isn't what it means at all.  It's being comfortable with the skin you're in -- jiggles, wiggles, creases and all.  Real beauty, not just the good looks that a chosen few are granted, comes from inside, at any size.  It's loving yourself and loving those around you.  An open, loving heart is more beautiful than any slim waistline.  Real beauty is a confidence that says, Here I am, a work-in-progress and I love the work as much as the progress, every step of the way.  

Me, right now as I'm typing

I can't say that I always feel great now, but for the most part, I have regained that confidence.  That's what matters.  The weight will take care of itself, if I just give it enough time (and effort!).  But it's the confidence that had been lacking for so long.  Well, I feel just lovely.  I. Am. Beautiful.  There, I said it. 


all love, 


nik*